A Lyme Disease Blog Sharing Support & Awareness

Weight Update

6/21/2012

Thank GOD for Benecalorie. It's been a life saver, and I mean that in every sense of the word. Before I started my strict higher calorie diet I weighed 86.8lbs... I'm 5'6 so that's dangerously low. I was faced with the hard choice to completely halt treatment yet again & take my weight seriously. I was about a pound away from a feeding tube aka my biggest fear.

I'm really happy to report that after a month of this altered diet I am finally up to 91.3! It's still extremely low, & I have a ways to climb up to 100, but honestly I am so thankful for anything. Not losing weight & gaining even anything at all is a blessing! Its a slow process, certainly not easy or quick to do when you have a stomach that has 100 different kinds of aches per day. Eating through pain is quite the task. But it's moving along & I'm happy to report something positive for once!

I can not stress enough how much the cards mean to me that I receive from friends & family. My neighbor brought me fresh flowers last week & other family friends have sent cards & prayed for me. This means the world to me, the power of prayer is undeniable. I want to thank everyone for that & look forward to giving more good news in the future :)

Xoxo,
Christina

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Being Comfortable In Your Own Skin

6/18/2012

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When I first moved home and took a look in the mirror I saw a ragged, exhausted, zombie version of the person I was. I was pale, I was very thin & I finally had to admit to myself that I looked sick. As I paged through older pictures of me from a year ago it was like seeing night & day. At first that realization was hard for me. I would walk around even out in my neighborhood in sunglasses & huge sweaters to cover up as much as possible.

I was dead set on not seeing anyone. I avoided any visits from anyone for months. At that point I could have hid in seclusion forever. It took me 3 months to let my parents take a picture of me during my moms birthday celebrations. And even then it was with the terms that I had on tons of makeup & an outfit that covered me up enough. I wasn't comfortable in my own skin.

At the end of March my friend Autumn came to visit & it really changed my whole outlook. I was expecting the reaction to be "boy, you look sick." But it wasn't anything of the sort. She was completely supportive and treated me like a normal human being which i was so grateful for. I worried it would be all about how sick i was, but instead I could just take a few hours out of my overwhelming day & catch up with a close friend without feeling self conscious. I decided that day I would stop hiding from the world.

It certainly wasn't an easy change, but I became more comfortable with myself, with pictures being taken, with seeing visitors etc. I finally had the courage to share photos of myself with social media & not care what anyone thought. Feeling pretty doesn't come from everyone telling you that you are, it comes from you believing you are. If someone has something negative to say about it then so be it, it's really not something I concern myself with. This is who I am right now, take it or leave it.

I urge anyone, especially those with a chronic illness to remember your self worth. The people who love you will accept you for who you are without judgement, even when you look like you haven't slept in 3 days with IV's everywhere. Don't hide from the world because I can tell you from experience it's a lonely way to live. I've been there, I've felt that, and it's safe to say I'm not going back. I plan to be a lot more confident in my own skin and I urge you to do the same too.

xoxo,
Christina

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A Moment of Fear

6/17/2012

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They say when you experience a moment of fear that your adrenaline kicks in. In my case the only thing that sets in is panic & all rational thinking is gone. Last night I came face to face with my biggest fear. Something the size of a pencil eraser, something found by the millions all over the US... A tick.

As I was laying down to go to sleep after an incredibly long and exhausting day of herxing, I began to answer a few last text messages. I was casually typing when I felt something crawl on my arm, so I brushed it off thinking it was a spider. I used my phone light to check out the bug, and much to my horror came face to face with a tick. It was no more than 6 inches from my face and my heart froze for an instant. Once my brain registered the situation I immediately went into panic mode. I threw the cover back and ran into my parents bedroom waking them frantically. By the time we got back the tick was nowhere to be found. Which was even worst. As I told my parents the story I just broke down sobbing from fear & the emotion of what happened. For most people a tick is just a tick, but for me it's the thing that took away my life & has given me lots of pain.

I feel like my house is my safe place, and my bed is where I feel the safest from the outdoors. I have never seen a tick in real life that close up, so to find one now of all times on me & in my bed was almost too unbelievable to fathom. Once the shock left my body I was quickly remind that it was Satan's doing. After having one of the toughest days I've had in a while the icing on the cake was finding a tick that struck fear in me about getting reinfected or what could happen since now I couldn't find it. It's so typical for that to happen & test my faith when I'm at a low point.

I'm sure I'm not the first Lyme patient who has found a tick on them & I'm sure I won't be the last. But this experience was a huge first for me. But the good news is that I survived.. And if it should ever happen again I will be more prepared to handle the situation 100x better.

Xoxo,
Christina

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Update: Thyroid setback

6/2/2012

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It's really hard for me to tell if my fatigue is caused by my disease, or the fact that I spend 90% of my day in bed. It's going on 6 months (wow time flies) that I've been home trying to get back on my feet. The road to recovery has been halted many times due to underlying issues that have reared it's ugly head as treatment went along.

My most recent discovery & struggle, besides my weight, was thyroid issues. My symptoms I had were sometimes downright terrifying, from heart palpitations to insomnia to not being able to walk 2 steps without fainting. Consulting with my LLMD he wanted to take a look at my thyroid levels. About 6 years ago I was diagnosed with Hashimotos & got radioactive kill treatment on the thyroid. Since then I've been taking a thyroid supplement every day. My mom went through every test since diagnosis & graphed it out. What we saw was extremely disturbing. My levels looked like what you see on a heart monitor. Lines up & down everywhere. Some levels were very elevated showing hyperthyroidism, others were low showing hypothyroidism. You can't possibly have both at the same time. These fluctuated so severely it was cause for concern to get that straightened out.

It's typical for an infection like Lyme to cause an autoimmune response in the body which disturbs the hormones. So my doctor ordered me to take magnesium, potassium & vitamin C is set doses, as those settle a fluctuating thyroid. I'm praying I see improvements in how I feel from this. It should also help my very low body weight. Fluctuating from hypo to hyper thyroid is not healthy for anyone, and he believes it's a huge thing holding me back from getting my treatment going full speed.

There have been a lot of bumps along this road & this has been far from perfect. But thank god that he gave me a physician so wise & knowledgable that he knows exactly what to do & say. I'm counting every last calorie I eat to get my weight up, but it's an uphill battle against this metabolism of mine!

Slowly but surely... I get asked often what the hold up is so I hope this post clears it up for everyone. In due time I'll hit the even tougher stuff, but I have to get my other body parts in order to do so. It seems like its always something, but I realize it's Gods timing & not mine. I don't call the shots here, he does. And he has a reason for everything. So I'm patiently following orders & looking forward to the road ahead.

Xoxo,
Christina

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Weight Update

Being Comfortable In Your Own Skin

A Moment of Fear

Update: Thyroid setback

Follow Lady Of Lyme (@ladyoflyme)

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Weight Update

Being Comfortable In Your Own Skin

A Moment of Fear

Update: Thyroid setback

Follow Lady Of Lyme (@ladyoflyme)

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