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3 Year Anniversary.... of diagnosis

9/29/2014

9 Comments

 
As I sit here looking at my computer screen I have a lot of emotions all jumbled up in my head; gratitude, uncertainty, joy, disappointment, thankfulness. Today marks 3 years since my diagnosis. It strangely feels like it was just yesterday, because I can still feel all the range of thoughts that I went through. My immediate feeling was relief to have an answer after 5 years of searching through 100's of Doctors. My delayed reaction was fear and uncertainty as I started to question and investigate what exactly Lyme disease was. After that followed denial. I was in denial that this could possibly be my life, and that I would have to fight this battle that I read about on other peoples blogs. Lyme disease felt like it was bigger than me. Everyone said they had to quit school, give up their jobs, leave their friends, and I fought against all of that. I thought how unfair this disease was, and resented that I even got diagnosed. Many months passed with this mentality, and I was resistant to moving home. I didn't want to face the music. I didn't want to lose the people I loved the way I knew I would when this disease would make me bed bound. It just felt too surreal.

After fighting a long mental fight my body ultimately won when it gave up on me and I called my parents weeping and asking them to please come get me and take me home. This period began the feelings of exhaustion and feeling like a failure. I felt guilt, sadness and at times anger. Accepting this illness is a hard thing to do, and coming to terms with the new path for life was one that only happened for me because of my relationship with God. Once I began to understand that His plan for my life is the ultimate plan and that he is in control, things started to shift. I began to see the glass half full. I realized how lucky I was to be diagnosed and to have a Doctor who is so incredibly knowledgeable. I realized that each day I fought I was moving closer to healing, and that I just needed patience (something I was not used to). I realized that people exit our lives for a reason, and that once they served their purpose they phase out, and all we can do is look back fondly on what they taught us. I realized that although it was hard to give up my independence and move home with my parents I am so utterly grateful for this time I got to spend with them. Being a teenager I took that for granted, and as adults we don't really get to spend much time with our family because of work and life being chaotic. Being in my mid-twenties and spending these years with my parents is something I will be able to cherish forever (as corny as that sounds).

These 3 years since I was diagnosed I went on a journey both physically and mentally. I matured a lot in my understanding of the world, and I don't think that would have happened if I was living my life the way I was. I am a people-pleaser and I lived by catering to other people's needs. Forcing me to move home with an illness out of my control made me stop and focus on myself. It taught me patience, it taught me to take care of my own needs, and it brought me so much closer to God. There is no way that anyone is the same person after they fight a chronic illness, because it does change you. I believe it changes people for the better, because I found a strength in myself that I did not know existed. I always saw myself as someone who was weak, and this showed me that I am so much stronger than I ever imagined. And when you realize your own inner strength it takes away a lot of the fears in the world. You look at the world and think, "there is nothing I can't handle after this." And that's exactly how I feel as I sit here today. Nothing can scare or deter me from chasing after what I want. I refuse to see these 3 years as something to be sad about because of how hard it's been. It's all in the eye of the beholder, and how you view your battle is something that can make or break you.

So I am choosing to celebrate this milestone. Often times when you are sick you feel like until you are well and healed that you don't have anything to celebrate. And that is simply not true. Getting a diagnosis is incredibly tough, so if you have one then you already won the biggest prize of them all, because it means you can get your life back. With a diagnosis in your hands you can alter your life and have symptom relief to look forward to. How amazing is that? Yes, this journey is hard. Yes, this journey is long. No this journey is certainly not easy. But now I can fight for my life because I know what I am fighting against. And that is a blessing that deserves endless amounts of celebration.

Here's to 3 years, and I will fight for as many more as it takes. This disease might try to take my body, but it can not take my soul and will to reclaim the life that it stole.

xoxo,
Christina

9 Comments

Taking a break

9/13/2014

0 Comments

 
This is a bit more dreary than some of the other posts... I am going to take a bit of a break from this page and social media as I am doing quite badly recently. This is probably the most sick that I've been since I have moved home for treatment. I am having a hard time keeping up with putting up info on & replying to emails. My last 2 posts were pre-written and scheduled, but new content make take a while, so apologies in advance. If I don't reply right away to comments/emails, please know I will be back hopefully by the end of the month & I will answer you shortly. Until then I hope the older posts can be helpful to some of you.

Xoxo,
Christina

0 Comments

Parasites & Protozoans - The Eosinophil connection (How To Tell If You Have Parasites)

9/12/2014

14 Comments

 
I've received many of the same questions from those around me, and it's all been fair questions, but one I didn't know how to answer.

The basic question/s are "Why are you doing so bad again now, when you used to be better? How are you worse now than you were 2 years ago? What's happening?"

Well, I don't really know. I mean, I know why, and it's because I have been fighting like hell through a relapse while simultaneously trying to kill these parasitic infections in my body. However I can't tell you why this is so hard in comparison to other treatments I've done. Trust me, I did not estimate it being this hard. I do not make this statement lightly, but treating the parasites & protozoans has been the toughest part of my entire treatment. Harder than the Lyme & harder than the Bartonella, the C Diff, or any of the viruses. No one could have prepared me, I was very naive when I went into this.

Back in May I was doing SO good (well, good by my standards) before I began this, and it was just a slow little slip downward, coming to what I consider rock bottom yesterday.

I thought I would use this time to briefly discuss some clinical lab tests that are ran which can show you the level of parasitic infections in the body. Since 2007 my physicians have been checking a specific thing in my body called eosinophils. The eosinophil count is often indicative of having a parasitic infection. I took to asking my wise and well educated friend Clay Brown to explain this to you all:

As you know, eosinophils are a type of immune system cell knows as granulocytes. The most common granulocyte is neutrophils, and then there are eosinophils, basophils, and then mast cells. Mast cells are most commonly known for releasing histamine during a reaction of some type... They get their name because they are the "suicide bombers" of the immune system. Each type produces different proteins, enzymes, and cytokines. When the immune system is activated, either by trauma or infection, ganulocytes are stimulated to be produced in the bone marrow. They then travel to the site of trauma or infection and degranulate, or "explode" really. This releases all those enzymes, proteins, cytokines, etc, in hopes of killing bacteria or marking them to be killed by other immune system cells.

Now, it was long hypothesized, and later proven that in parasitic infections, the immune system will produce more granulocytes. This leads in turn to more degranulation by the cells themselves... In the case of eosinophils, one major molecule they release is the Eosinophil Catatonic Protein, or ECP.

Now it's odd, but for some reason in some individuals with certain infections, the Total Eosinophil count will be higher. This number is what you'd see on a CBC blood test... Sadly, modern medicine just calls this Hyper-Eosinophilic Syndrome, or HES. Now having HES does not mean that the person will have a high ECP, but almost always they do... I've even read of some NIH studies on people where they classified them as having HES and the individual was later diagnosed with Babesia. (Link here to study)

So, a normal ECP value for a healthy individual should be less than 10... In people with babesia or other parasitic infections, that number will be much much higher. This is really the reason LLMD's will check an ECP number to monitor such activity for infections and things.



Pretty interesting huh? My eosinophils have been chronically high. Like off the charts high. Higher then the high level on the scale most of the time it was checked. Eosinophils can be raised a bit due to allergies, but my allergies aren't that debilitating to have ever warranted that drastic amount of lab results. It was pretty obvious I had parasites and/or Protozoas going on in my body (infections like Babesia & Protomyxzoa are considered Protozoas & essentially a parasite). So in a sense I shouldn't have been shocked when treatment began & it was so tough, but still... I'm such an optimist I never am totally prepared. I always think that I will be the exception & have an easy time. Hey, at least I'm positive right?

Anyway, after a long fight we checked my levels again, and much to my hearts joy I saw the levels went down DRASTICALLY. I haven't seen levels this low ever, and my mouth dropped when I saw the screen. It was so encouraging to see that all the hard tough days were worth it.

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Visual reference of my levels through the months/years compared to now
What does this tell me? It tells me my fight is doing what I need it to, and to not give up. I can't give up now, I have to finish what I started so this can never ever get a leg up on me again. I have to keep the momentum going until everything is cleared out, which means until I feel well, and then many months after that (you can never be too sure). Now is do or die as I say, and I have to power through and stay focused on the goal at the end. My health.

I've lost a ton of weight during this, I'm back down to a lowely 92lbs and dropping, but that's the name of the game with parasites. They fight me for my food, especially when I'm trying to kill them off. They want to survive, so whatever I eat, they take half. Greedy little things right? If any of you have advice for weight gaining supplements please do message me or leave a comment. Sticking with the Lyme diet and trying to gain weight is quite a task if I do say so myself.

Thanks for reading, and as always, keep fighting!

xoxo,
- Christina


14 Comments

The Power Our Words Have On Our Healing

9/10/2014

2 Comments

 
"Kind words are like honey - sweet to the soul and healthy for the body." (Proverbs 16:24)

"The words of the wicked are like a murderous ambush, but the words of the godly save lives.” (Proverbs 12:6)

I have always believed in the power of our words. I believed that they impact us at a deeper level then just on the surface. I am a spiritual being and it's no surprise that in many places in the bible you can find scripture speaking about the power that words hold. Look at God, he spoke the whole world into existence, and we are all created in his image. I know not everyone subscribes to this school of thought, and I respect that. But I think we can all agree that words hold power to make or break us.
Have you ever heard that if you look in the mirror every day and repeat positive affirmations to yourself that it will actually help depression, while changing your mood and self confidence? It's been written about many times, and psychiatrists across the world use this technique on their patients. It's all about reshaping the way your mind perceives the world. Without you even noticing it I bet that many times a day you say things in your head like "I'm not pretty," "I hate my body," "I'm so fat," etc. These negative thoughts cycle in our brain and effect us at our very core.

Don't believe it? I know, it sounds a little bit far-fetched, and I can imagine many of you are ready to stop reading. But I urge to look at the recent experiment done on tears. Ross-Lynn Fisher studied 100 different tears from human beings and found that our basal tears (the ones which lubricate our eyes) look vastly different from the tears that we have when we chop an onion. Also, the tears that come from joyous laughter look nothing like the tears which come from sorrow. The tears were taken from the same person, and yet time and time again Rose-Lynn could identify what kind of tears they were (happy or sad) due to how they looked on a microscope. Each tiny tear drop carries human emotion, and it truly is enough to blow you away. To see for yourself you can check it out by heading over to The Topography of Tears. This to me shows that if our thoughts are capable of changing the makeup of our tears, then why do we think that these same words and emotions don't have the ability to bring upon a change at a deeper level?

Before this recent tear study there were actually 2 more large studies done by scientists on the power of our words which I think is really important to share.

The Water Experiment
This first study was conducted by a scientist named Dr. Masaru Emoto. During the 1990's he set out to see how words affected things in its environment, specifically water. He first observed plain water under a microscope and photographed what it looked like. He then separated the water into many glass jars and enacted different things on each jar. Some jars he wrote words on such as "I love you," or "you make me sick,", other jars were prayed over and blessed, and some jars were introduced to different kinds of music or sounds. Afterwards, Dr. Emoto observed the water again under the same microscope. The change in the water was absolutely astounding. See for yourself below

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If that isn't enough to astound you, this experiment was actually recreated many times with the exact same type of results by regular run of the mill patrons as well. They has the same outcome as Dr. Emoto.
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If you want to watch a short video on this experiment to see it demonstrated and a little more in depth you can follow the link HERE

The Rice Experiment
This next experiment took the power of words one step further by testing them on rice. Dr. Emoto wanted to see if words could be even more powerful than what he experienced with the water study.
Dr. Emoto poured water over cooked rice, which was placed into 3 different glass jars. He then labeled one "Thank You!," one "You're An Idiot," and he left one unlabeled to serve as the control. Then, every day for one month, Dr. Emoto spoke whatever word was on the jar to the rice inside. After the 30 days were up he observed the rice and the results (again), were astonishing. The rice labeled "Thank You!" was a clean yellow, and had began to ferment, giving off a warm aroma. The rice labeled "You're An Idiot" which had negative words spoken to it was completely black, completely rotting, and gave off a pungent odor. And lastly, the control rice faired the way any rice that was cooked and left out would fair... it simply began to rot, but wasn't near as bad off as the one which was all black.
Now, you might ask if this has been recreated. There are many videos of people who did this themselves, including here, here, and here if you are interested in watching the documentation of this experiment by every day people (non-scientists).
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If words can do this to rice and water, imagine what it can do to our bodies (which are made up of 80% water by the way). When you have a chronic illness it's easy to be stressed out 24 hours a day. I used to find myself getting mad at my body for not cooperating. I would say things like, "My stupid stomach hurts," and negatively speaking to my body because it fatigued and hurting. I was angry that this was happening and I dealt with it by having these awful thoughts about myself. I would look in the mirror and analyze how horrid my pores looked and how lifeless my skin was. Day in and day out I didn't love myself deep down, and I didn't realize how detrimental it was to me until recently.

Everyone talks about "positive thinking," as if saying one positive thing a day will change things. It won't. It takes a complete overhaul to change old habits, and that begins by starting your day off looking in a mirror and complimenting yourself. And every time you start to have a negative thought (especially during a bad flare or bad pain), get a mirror and repeat positive affirmations. Learning to alter negative thoughts that sometimes went under the radar and switching them to positive ones is a long process, and I won't claim that I changed over night. But once I realized how powerful my thoughts and words were I knew that I had to alter this if I wanted to heal. I couldn't be stuck in this negative head space any longer.

We are humans, so that means we will ALL have bad days and we are allowed to sulk or have sorrow over how things are. We are allowed to vent and be frustrated sometimes. That's normal. But working to use our words to help lift us up is something I truly believe has a place in everyone's recovery. So the next time you find yourself getting angry with your body, try to rewire that thought and instead tell your body you love it for fighting hard every day. Post positive quotes and inspirational imagery all around your room or in your car. Do whatever you need to keep you reminding yourself to change the dialogue in your mind.

What do I do? Well I started off by implementing times during my day when I do a daily devotional, and times when I do spoken prayer with my mom. I speak to myself in the mirror whenever I am washing my hands and tell myself that I am a fighter and I will get through the battles of the day. I stopped belittling myself for looking lifeless and instead commended my body for fighting for me for so long even though it has had a really tough run, and that considering all of that I'm still me and I am still beautiful. Slowly but surely I started to believe it.

xoxo,
Christina
2 Comments

Women's Lyme Awareness Tees For Sale NOW (Designed By Yours Truly) :)

9/6/2014

0 Comments

 
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Hi everyone! I have exciting news to share! For the last few months I have taken to doing some T-shirt designing. I have been wanting to make a Women's Lyme disease awareness tee that I thought was unique and wearable (and I didn't forget about the Men I promise!). I also wanted to do something to give back to the Lyme community, and I thought that a shirt idea would be great. The profits from this shirt will got to Lyme Disease research.

I always looked at most Lyme shirts and they were typically lime green or had an image and fit that was unisex. While I understood why, I wanted to create some variety. Many of you who have been following me know that I was attending a Fashion Institute before I had to quit when I got sick. I have always really been into creating and designing things. I set out to design a tee that FIT like a Women's tee, and had a design that was both classy and classic. I wanted a tee you could wear that showed Lyme Awareness but didn't scream it. A shirt you could wear out anywhere.

And within those boundaries I came up with the shirt which is available for order NOW! I am very happy to announce that this shirt is available for order on TeeSpring starting now, and is ONLY ON SALE FOR TWO WEEKS. The way that Teespring works is that the shirts are up for sale for a set amount of time (2 weeks), and during those 2 weeks they take orders. If the shirts reach the goal then the shirts go to print. If they do not reach the goal the shirts won't be printed and your card will not be charged. So, if you all love the shirt, which I really hope you do, then please make sure to purchase them as soon as possible! I have many different styles available, including two styles of t-shirts, a long sleeve shirt, a tank, and a sweatshirt!

Click Here to buy the Shirt! and make sure you check out the front too, it has a cute monogram on the front pocket, and the big design is on the back.

xoxo,
Christina


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