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Vision Therapy + Vestibular Therapy. An Update

9/23/2013

4 Comments

 
I guess its about time for me to do an update on how everything is going with me. Oh geez, where to even start. Well, since the beginning of August I have been doing Vision Therapy every single day. Some moments are really tough because it feels like I can do the exercises 10 days in a row, and for some reason my eyes just don't see what they need to. And that is beyond my control, I can make my eyes turn inward when they needed to, or make my brain stop shutting down my double vision. Being a type A personality it was hard for me when I was in that funk. When I hit a bump like that I just had to keep trying over and over until my eyes finally saw it. Vision Therapy really is one of the most mentally tasking things I have had to do, and I am no where near completion. Usually this therapy is done in office at the Doctor's office, but since I can't travel so easily my Doctor installed it on my home computer. The patients who go into his office who have had brain damage & problems like mine typically go 2 times a week, and take about 75 sessions to repair the damage (About 9 months). So, I really don't know how that will translate with me doing it every day. I would hope obviously quicker, but I don't think as quick as 75 days, because I am already about 50 days into it, and I don't feel anywhere near 50% better. It's slow. My eyes have to re-learn how to do everything. They need to learn to turn inward together, my brain needs to learn to stop shutting one side of my eyes off, and I need to get depth perception back. I have a long road ahead with that, but I'm not giving up. I feel really burnt out on it, and I just wish I could know when this would pay off.. But, patience is a virtue right?

I also started doing Vestibular Therapy as well. I'm starting incredibly slow with that though, because I am really sensitive. Until I had gone to college I have never exercised on any exercise equipment. How ridiculous is that, right? Anyway, when I went off to college I joined gyms and all that jazz, and I noticed that after I got off the elliptical or the treadmill I would feel like I was still bouncing afterwards. I would get off the machine and have to sit down because I was dizzy and felt like I was still moving when I was still. Almost like the ground underneath me was moving. Honestly, I thought this was normal. Maybe it is, do any of you ever have that happen??
Either way, that was a thing lonnnnng ago and after that it was just a slow progression of Vestibular things which I brushed off as normal. I started having really terrible balance, then I noticed if I closed my eyes while standing during church prayer I would start swaying and have to hold on to the pews. All of this was weird because I was a dancer for a large portion of my life, and I could not understand why balance was suddenly an issue. Then, as time went on it got worse and worse. One time I was on a pool raft floating for an afternoon and when I tried to get to bed that same night I felt like I was still floating and bouncing and dizzy. 
Eventually it was to where if I was in a chair and someone turned me around or pushed me I would feel the movement of it long after it happened. Flipping my head upside down made me so dizzy I would fall over, turning my head quickly did the same thing. I couldn't ride elevators or escalators without having a dizzy/moving feeling when I got off. Long story short, it was bad! 
As I did the Visual Therapy and I kept working on my driving, I realized this vestibular stuff was a huge contributor in issues. When I picked up speed (going just 35mph), it felt like my head was being crushed, and my eyes started to do Nystagmus movement severely. And that's scary when you are driving a car! It's a terrifying feeling of like panic that goes on within my vision & vestibular system when I pick up speed. My eyes are trying to put together the quickly moving environment (and failing), and my inner ears are trying to gauge where I am in the world that's also moving quickly (and failing). It's a recipe for disaster and it makes me so sick and so uncomfortable. 

Neurological problems have always been the biggest downfall in my journey. The brain is responsible for so many small details that healthy people take for granted. And the Lyme bacteria itself has created so much damage that I get disheartened so sometimes. Especially when I see the goal and I can't quite get there. But either way I am doing Visual Therapy and Vestibular exercises every single day. And I have to believe that at one point this hard work will overpower the Lyme that is still there pushing back and trying to continue to wreak havoc. 

So right now I am working on that, I'm working on my immune system, and between those 2 and the inevitable fatigue it has me wiped out just about every day. I have also been doing something health-wise since this May and I will talk about it this week/next week in a longer post. I always like to wait when I start something new before I discuss it on here so I can give a realistic review of it. I don't want to waste anyones time discussing something that will do squat, and if I do try something amazing for my body & I feel like it works wonders then I definitely want to share. So, with that being said, I am going to finish off this post. I hope everyone has a happy and healthy week!

xoxo,
Christina 




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Feeling Good On The Outside

9/18/2013

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When you have a chronic illness you can feel so terrible on the inside, and often times it can be made worse by not feeling good on the outside either. For the most part when you are sick you spend 90% of your time in pajamas or lounge wear, you aren't exercising the way that you used to, and sometimes you look in the mirror and you just feel so down. Before getting sick I would get ready head to toe every single day. And weekly/monthly I would go and get microdermabrasions, facials, manicures/pedicures...not to mention getting my hair done and going shopping for a pick me up. There was a period where I was very sick, but I was still living on my own. During those times I would still get dressed up because I had places to go. Sometimes I think that doing that was what helped give me the boost that I needed to power through. Honestly and truly I believe that how we feel about ourselves on the outside translates the great deal into how we feel overall on the inside.

Things change when you get sick. You can't exercise the way that you used to, your clothing doesn't fit the way it used to (usually from fluctuating weight), and your skin shows every tired wrinkle & dark circle. And that's because when you have an illness it literally can suck the life out of you. When you are in so much pain and going through so many things day in and day out, you become stressed and it shows on every single part of your body. This comes full circle when you look tired and beaten-down and it makes you feel even more tired and beaten down. 

So, I thought I would share some rituals I started when I moved home that really helped me feel a lot better. Because if I had to look at brittle hair, unkempt nails, and grey clogged skin, I would have already had a meltdown by now. I know its just not possible for me to handle that when I was so used to always getting pampered before. In general, as women, we probably all used to have oodles of beauty rituals & services we did to keep ourselves looking fresh & glowing (pre-Lyme). Now, however I moved these things to a DIY home setting that is easy, relaxing, and doesn't use much energy at all (that we already don't have).

Some people like to have a spa day, but usually I don't have the energy to do everything in one day. Also, spreading it out helps give you more things to look forward to. Sometimes I will do 1 or 2 at a time, other times just do 1. You have to find what works for you. The highlighted links go to the products I use as well as the DIY tutorials if you are interested! Okay.. so to begin.

1. Hair Masks: I splurged on a few fancy ones with Keratin & silk proteins, and a great Moisturizing Kerastase one. However, I also love to do DIY hot oil treatments (from oils most of us have in the pantry). You can also make your own DIY protein pack mask with eggs, yogurt, and avocado's. Whichever route you choose, I love to put on a good hair mask under a shower cap & a warm towel. I usually let it sit for an hour or so while I relax (some you can do overnight), and when I wash it out my hair feels silky and full of body and life. It's like a recharge button for your hair. I do quick 10 minute ones in the shower weekly, and try to do a longer more intensive one at least once every few weeks. 

2. Face Masks: Back in my healthy days I would religiously get facials & microdermabrasions. My skin would glow, and it was wonderful. However, 1. They were crazy expensive 2. I didn't take great care of my skin in between services, so I relied solely on those (not the smartest idea). I actually find it much better to invest in (or make) a few great face masks and do one weekly. I actually have 2 masks. One is a Clay Mud Mask that I let sit for about 20 minutes, and the other I use right after is an Intensive Moisturizing Mask which you actually just leave on (the skin soaks it in over time). Honestly I have been doing weekly masks for a long time and it's been as good if not better than my old expensive habits. I have friends tell me I look healthy, and that my skin looks great. Sometimes people even think I am wearing makeup, which I really never am. Now don't get me wrong, my skin will still rebel time to time because I'm still 25 and my endocrine system is crazy from Lyme & co's. But, I can only imagine how it would be without this.. yikes. Anyway, face masks are really low energy, you just wash your face, put it on, and then lay back down until it's ready to be washed off. The best part is that there are lots of DIY masks you can make from items in your pantry/fridge. So this beauty habit doesn't even have to be expensive, and personally I think it makes you feel pampered and fresh.

3. Manicure/Pedicure: Mani/Pedi's take a little more effort, but I like to make the soaking part relaxing. I have a Conair foot bath which vibrates & heats the water so it's like having a little spa right in your home. You can put this on your bed, put your feet in, and lay back and relax. Added bonus is to put some epsom salt in the foot bath (to detox), and put one of those cooling eye masks on while your resting. This gives you a good 30 minutes of bliss. When you're done you just have to do the usual cuticles, trimming, and filing to your nails. If you chose to, you can also paint your nails, or just toss on a clear coat for shine. (You can repeat this for your finger nails). I would say going to get this done professionally will always trump DIY, but for the sake of us who have limited income to spend on these things, or those of us who can't go out for a mani/pedi every other week, it works great. And personally it makes me feel much better when my nails are kept up & shiny. 

4. Bubble bath:  A bubble bath with the lights turned down low is honestly one of the most relaxing things you can do. Put on some music that is soothing, or listen to a book on tape while you soak. When you are finished with the bubble bath portion you can add in a full body sugar scrub. Exfoliating the skin after a bath is the best way to buff off old skin cells and it helps to make your skin on the body glow as well. A bubble bath ever week or every few weeks is a good way to decompress. There are a lot of DIY sugar scrubs which you can add essential oils into (added bonus). Also, these make great gift for any Lymie/chronic illness warrior. You can make a scrub, package it up in a mason jar, and add a bubble bath on the side :) 

There are lots of other things you can do outside of this. Browse catalogs and magazines and make a vision book where you rip out ideas or clothes you want for when you get better. Start collecting ideas of everything you want to do, or trends you want to try, and put them into this book. This can even span into recipes you want to make when your diet changes, etc. This idea isn't quite a beauty/appearance type thing, however I find it can help to boost how you feel by daydreaming about life post Lyme. You will get there, we will ALL get there. Until then, some pampering and browsing never did any harm :)

xoxo,
Christina


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My mantra: thank you for today

9/11/2013

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Having a chronic illness can take your zest away. Waking up full of joy isn't very common when you don't have a job, maybe your family abandoned you, maybe you lost your car, and you have to face the struggles of your health. But I want to share what I do every day that has helped me.

Every night when I lay down to sleep I say this prayer: "Lord, thank you for today. It was trying, but thank you for giving me a day to keep fighting. I pray that tomorrow is better, but mostly I just pray for another day. In Jesus name, Amen."

It's important to realize how grateful we should be that we woke up in the morning, even when we woke up with aches & pains. Some days I wake up after a terrible night & I feel so nauseous, my head is throbbing, and I don't want to face the day. I pout, I complain, and I forget to realize that I'm alive. How many people didn't get the chance that I did? It's so often taken in vain on those days when you feel crummy.

When I do wake up, and I'm sipping my morning tea, I say a second quick mantra:

I've seen better days,

But I've also seen worse

I don't have everything I want

But I do have everything I need

I woke up with aches and pains

But I woke up

My life may not be perfect

But I am blessed

Chronic illnesses can make you feel terrible, and they can mess with your mind to where you wish you didn't wake up. When the hopelessness takes over, I see many of my fellow Lyme fighters say things along those lines. And in the moment they believe it, because the pain feels unbareable, and facing another day is just too much. Mental health is a topic not often talked about openly in regards to tick-borne illnesses, however it needs to be talked about. This disease is known for its crippling depression & anxiety. Underneath the weight of that & the physical pain, it's easy for people to wish away their days. If you or someone you love is exhibiting signs of hopelessness & depression, please get help. For some it's just a funk they get in that they bounce back from, but for others it's more serious.

I just wanted to share my mantra in hopes that someone can start reciting it every day along with me. It's a daily reminder that no matter how gloomy the road gets, at least the option to fight on is there. No storm lasts forever, the sunshine always comes back. But you must, you must, keep going even on the hardest of days.

Xoxo,
Christina


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