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One Year Anniversary.... of Diagnosis

9/27/2012

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Today is a verrrrrrry bittersweet day for me. One year ago today I was diagnosed (by complete shock) with Lyme disease. The day I met my doctor in his office I was praying this was the final of my 200 Dr. visits. I prayed it would be the end all say all of appointments. And boy, did I get my diagnosis. A year ago you never could have convinced me that I have a chronic disease spread to me by a tick. I don't do the outdoors, I don't do camping, I hate hiking. I had never even so much as heard of Lyme disease. So you can imagine my shock when I actually learned how you get Lyme disease in the first place. I remember the words as clear as day when my Dr. gave me the news. It was instant relief. Instant joy that there was physical proof that SOMETHING was wrong. Crazy as it may seem, after enduring hundreds of tests that came back "normal" I was starting to think I was going insane. I skipped in happiness as I left his office & headed to Starbucks to bask in my new found joy of a diagnosis. My first Google of Lyme disease came up as like this easy peasy treatment. Ya know, just a year of antibiotics and you're good to go. I remember thinking, "oh THAT's it? I totally got this, I take antibiotics all the time." Boy, did I have a lot to learn.

I didn't tell people for a while after I found out because the more I Googled information on the disease, the more I learned just how complex and twisted it is. I started seeing things about people having years of treatment and still being sick. I read how the antibiotics broke their bodies immune system down and hurt them. I watched videos of what a herxheimer reaction was, and how painful treatment would be. And then to top it off I watched Under Our Skin, which is an unbelievably amazing documentary about the truth of Chronic Lyme. It's the most honest, raw, uncut documentary I have ever seen, and it struck fear into my very core. What is this horrible disease, and how is no one talking about it?

Then I went through a period where I was in denial. Although I accepted Lyme and talked about it with my friends, I didn't let it actually sink in. I kept pushing myself further and further. I kept pushing my inevitable move home for treatment back as well. I thought maybe if I tried hard enough it would go away. It sounds crazy, but I promise you get desperate once you realize what all Lyme disease entails. Finally my body all but gave up on me, and I had to call and beg my parents to bring me home because I just physically could not do anything anymore. And when I moved home that crisp January 15th day, it was the final stage I hit of acceptance. That day it all sank in that despite me wanting to pretend I was fine, that I was not. Despite me wanting to think my life would go one way, I in fact have no control over that. So that first 2-3 months at home were rough. I got bombarded with experiences I didn't want to feel as my exhausted body fell apart little by little. But I learned (hindsight) that the first step actually is letting yourself fall apart. Because once I picked myself up, put myself back together, and learned to trust God, I finally could come to peace with my life and everything I have to deal with to get through this. 

I would be lying if I said that coming to peace with it suddenly makes everything easy. That's hardly the case with the disease that is so fittingly nicknamed "the disease you don't get, until you get it." When you are healthy you always feel 100%. The only time you feel bad is if you get sick, get injured, have a hangover, etc. For the most part a healthy person operates day to day life with a pain of about 0-1. For me, I do not, and can not comprehend what that must feel like. I operate life being adjusted to a constant  5-6. That's what "normal" is. And if you have any kind of chronic illness I am sure you can relate to that. But these were all things I learned this past year, and things you could have never scripted for me. I had to live this to get it. I learned lots of patience, and realized I don't have ultimate control over everything. I learned to be happy about the little things in life, and truly enjoying moments to the fullest. And most of all I learned the importance of health: eating healthy, keeping my body healthy at all costs, and being an advocate to as many people as I can. All the things in life I took for granted. 

I want to celebrate this day, not frown upon it. Because living without being diagnosed would have been a total nightmare. I think I am so so SO lucky for many equations that played into things. I'm blessed I had supportive parents that didn't give up until they got an answer. And more so I'm thankful they truly believed in my "invisible" pain & didn't just think I was crazy. When doctors told me I was making it up they vehemently scolded that doctor, picked me up & helped push me along to get more answers. That in itself makes me a lucky girl, because I know many patients who have 0 support from their family. Secondly I'm blessed to be diagnosed when so many people fight for that daily or go undiagnosed before this takes their life. Thirdly I am blessed because I survived this year & got that much stronger. So thank you to my support system, with whom I would be nothing.

All in all, as you all have followed on my journey since I made my announcement last October, I can say I am in a way better place in more than just one way. Mentally I have come to terms with everything. I gave myself time to grieve the loss of the life I once planned, and then I focused on getting better so I can get that back. Secondly, I am in no way healthy, but I feel in my core that I am determined and on a path towards success. I know my treatment plan, and I have a really good feeling about things. It will continue to be a hard road as I carry on, but that won't deter me. I have this odd feeling of peace about things, and it's the first time in a long time I have been able to say that. I'm just not worried about the future one bit. I know in my heart it will work out, because with God it always does. So here's to the first year of my journey with Lyme disease, and by next year this time I will be blogging about recovery :)

xoxo,
Christina 
1 Comment

Help Sponsor Me For LymeWalk 2012

9/16/2012

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Have I mentioned what an amazing and compassionate family I have? I truly couldn't do this without their constant support & help. This years LymeWalk will be Los Angeles, Ca which just so happens to be the city my older brother Steven lives in..And he agreed to walk in my name & for the name of every Lyme patient everywhere. 

LymeWalk works just like Relay for Life and similar donated based walks. There is a website where he is accepting donations to walk on October 14. We have a goal set, and he needs to reach the donation goal to walk. 100% of the proceeds go to Lyme disease research for a cure. Below is a screen shot of the donation page with a little bit more info, as well as the link to the donation site.

It goes without saying that this means everything to me. I can not ask for a more loving brother & more wonderful friends & family to help me with this cause. Check out the page below :)


http://lymewalks.lymedisease.org/lyme/participantpage.asp?uid=3080&fundid=1721

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http://lymewalks.lymedisease.org/lyme/participantpage.asp?uid=3080&fundid=1721

Thank you to EVERYONE for your continued prayers and support!

Xoxo,
Christina

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Teeccino Espresso & Latte night

9/14/2012

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I had a lazy Friday evening tonight and experimented with making a latte. I blogged a few days ago about the wonderful caffeine free coffee, Teeccino. Now a lot of people know it can make a great cup of coffee, but it can also make amazing espresso AND lattes!

I have an espresso maker & this coffee brewed beautifully. It was strong just like the shots of java I am used to. I added some sugar free vanilla syrup, and frothed milk & it was one of the best lattes I've had! I have honestly been to many cafes for brunch & ordered vanilla latte's that weren't up to par or close to the taste of this. It was the perfect blend of sweetness & bitterness.

I plan to experiment with a cappuccino & iced coffees later. But for now I am very excited it translated into espresso shots so perfectly! This will be my best friend for the upcoming fall/winter.

I hope everyone is having a great and healthy weekend!

Xoxo,
Christina

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Being "Normal"

9/14/2012

2 Comments

 
This disease can consume you if you let it. Key words: If you let it. I have really tough trying moments like now when I'm up at 2am with horrible stomach cramps in some of the worst pain. But these moments are the ones I hate talking about. I struggle between keeping this blog honest, and keeping it positive.
I don't like to dwell on the situation I'm in, or the bad moments. In fact I don't see myself as any different than who I was 2 years ago. I live my life as normal as possible for a secluded 24 year old with a chronic illness. I take my good moments & talk about them, capture them in photos etc. I want those to be my memories.

When you feel bad it's easy to get wrapped up in it. I have a lot of nervous energy when I go through tougher symptoms, but I channel it in 10 different places. I'll turn the tv on, have my laptop out, and be on my phone playing a game.. All at once. It's ADD at its finest, but one thing won't take my mind off how bad I feel. I need to channel it multiple places & keep my mind occupied.

And the one thing I can't stress enough is keeping the "distractions" POSITIVE. There are a few amazing Lyme support groups. There's also a few filled with depressing posts that will bring the calmest person to their knees in anxiety. I know these people just need an outlet to vent, but it's not a place for me. Always ask yourself if this distraction is doing anything good for you. That has helped me a great deal. I've also downloaded a few bible study apps on my phone I do at bedtime so I go to bed with a clear mind.

Balancing being normal & dealing with Lyme is no easy task, but so far I have avoided any major panic attacks worrying about it. 

Xoxo,
Christina
2 Comments

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