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The Night Is Quiet

7/9/2018

1 Comment

 
Picture
The night is quiet. It’s quiet in a way that brings peace to some, and weariness to others. There’s something about being awake while the whole world is asleep that amplifies the feeling of loneliness. It’s almost as if all the collective souls in rest create a shift in the atmosphere... it’s quiet, but suddenly I am starkly aware that I’m left alone with my thoughts in the darkness. And right on cue my mind begins to race, now free of the all the daytime distractions which safely kept me from overthinking. With nightfall every piece of worry and grief I have tucked away comes rushing out, flooding my thoughts and drowning my mind.

Somehow everything stings a little sharper, hurts a little deeper, and feels a little bigger after nightfall. Old wounds become rediscovered, and a highlight reel of anxiety plays on a loop at max volume. I try to find the pause button and search desperately for mute, but there’s simply no peace under the moonlight.

4am knows all my secrets, and it knows all my pain. It’s a strange camaraderie, built on the foundation of sharing so much between the silence. We both know the drill, and we know that our time together is short yet melancholy. I patiently await the first rays of sunlight, the first chirp of the birds outside my window, and that soothing feeling that people are awake in my world again.

I’ve always been told that when a new dawn breaks, last nights problems won’t feel quite so large. And it’s always held true. By the morning all my thoughts declutter, and my fears scurry away to the part of my mind which waits to be accessed at night fall. It’s the most dependable part of my day; creeping in like clockwork at midnight & leaving dust in its wake at dawn.

But perhaps the greatest irony of my life is that while I reckon with the challenges of the night, I am also very taken by all the celestial bodies in the sky. I have always looked up at the stars & instantly felt small, yet special. Their brilliance reminds me of how large this universe is, and yet I’m still a unique being created and loved by a God who made it all. When I photograph the Milky Way it never stops being enchanting to every ounce of my soul. The night sky is where my childlike wonderment is revived, but it’s juxtaposed by the weariness it brings once my head hits the pillow.

I suppose the night will always be my friend & foe. But for now I recognize my worthy opponent & work towards a truce.

xoxo,

Christina
1 Comment
Linda Schreiber
7/13/2018 11:57:06 am

Christina, I was praying for my Abbey girl this morning; actually, I didn't want to get out of bed this morning and face another day of her and the lyme disease. I kept telling myself that if I don't put my feet on the ground, the day won't start, and then I won't have to think of Lyme. Then I started praying . . .I pray every morning and I pray through out the day . . .healing for Abbey, please; but today, you popped into my mind. I realized I had been quite selfish - I was taking inspiration/encouragement from you always, but seldom committing myself to truly praying for your healing. Today, I want more than ever for you to be healed; as much as I want my Abbey to be healed. Many days I have wondered how your parents cope in their hearts with watching their beautiful girl struggle with illness; it is tearing me apart and making my faith both stronger and weaker at the same time, if that is possible. You have done amazing things with your illness, shining with the love of the Lord; but now I pray for you to be healed to do so many more amazing things. Take Care!

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