Vision/motion sickness issues that stem from my brain damage have been the core of what I'm focusing on tackling.. Mostly because it hasn't budged during treatment and that is incredibly frustrating to me. My type A personality means I NEED to know why it's not getting better & I need to investigate. So, investigate I did. About 2 years ago I saw a vision specialist who found the brain damage & other eye issues, but at the time he believed it was caused by Lyme & co-infections. As I was treated for those he believed it would improve. Since it hasn't, I started revisiting this issue. In summary we found a very smart doctor locally who does the same eye testing & what he found was interesting. My eyes have a convergence issue. Where as you see the world by your two eyes taking separate images & combining them in unison, my eyes can't do that. I actually have double vision, but my brain overcompensates for that & just shuts off one eye instead of dealing with seeing two. Since my brain can't converge the two images properly I should see double, but to counteract that it decides to simply switch off an eye. At any given moment my eyes are rapidly switching back & forth from left to right eye and trying to mesh it together as best it can. That's how I see the world & why everything makes me very sick. Too much time on my phone or computer (more than 10 minutes at once) makes me sick, writing in my journal makes me sick, and the list goes on. But, now I understand why.
So what now? I will begin a rigorous vision therapy this coming week which should re-train my eyes. I'm nervous because I know it will be painful & hard to get through, but I just have to take life as it comes. Many prayers would be appreciated that this will help my neurological issues by leaps & bounds.
In closing I must say that often times when my life is in chaos like it is now, I tend to take on the worry myself instead of putting it into God's hands. It's almost a reflex to feel anxious because God seems to wait until the last final minute to work his miracles. I know it must be a way of teaching me patience & trust, but I am a terrible learner. I have some things coming up in a few weeks which has been overwhelming me, and I have been asking God to give me a sign that everything will be okay. About a day later I had something happen I had been praying for a long time. It was something small, but I knew it was an indicator that I have to keep trusting him.