If the story of your life were a movie, what are the moments you can look back on and say, "that was the exact minute my life changed forever?" We all have them. They are moments which feel insignificant at the time, but later create such a giant ripple in our lives that it is forever changed. Today, I'd like to share one of my moments with you.
Disclaimer: if you have a furry friend, grab a tissue. Or two. Or a box.
I remember the day so vividly. It's interesting how lasting memories can replay like a movie in your mind, so full of detail that you can almost feel it. I remember what I wore, I remember the smells, I remember the music in my car, and most of all I remember how I felt.
It was September of 2007 and my sophomore year of college had just begun. I had gone with my cousin to go "look" at a puppy which we were considering adopting. I use quotation marks because anyone who is an animal lover knows that "looking" almost always equals "taking home." I naively thought I could accomplish this task, and arrived to meet the puppies with 0 supplies and 0 plans. When I walked into the room where the puppies were I immediately realized I was in way over my head. The pups were about 6 weeks old, very shy and cowering to their mom. I climbed into the caged area, sat down, and one brave soldier left the pack to waddle over to me. She climbed on my legs, plopped down, looked up at me with her big brown eyes, and my heart exploded. This moment is my life changing moment. In this exact second I knew I would not be leaving without her. Sure enough she came home with us that night, was bestowed the name 'Macy,' and proceeded to steal my heart.
Disclaimer: if you have a furry friend, grab a tissue. Or two. Or a box.
I remember the day so vividly. It's interesting how lasting memories can replay like a movie in your mind, so full of detail that you can almost feel it. I remember what I wore, I remember the smells, I remember the music in my car, and most of all I remember how I felt.
It was September of 2007 and my sophomore year of college had just begun. I had gone with my cousin to go "look" at a puppy which we were considering adopting. I use quotation marks because anyone who is an animal lover knows that "looking" almost always equals "taking home." I naively thought I could accomplish this task, and arrived to meet the puppies with 0 supplies and 0 plans. When I walked into the room where the puppies were I immediately realized I was in way over my head. The pups were about 6 weeks old, very shy and cowering to their mom. I climbed into the caged area, sat down, and one brave soldier left the pack to waddle over to me. She climbed on my legs, plopped down, looked up at me with her big brown eyes, and my heart exploded. This moment is my life changing moment. In this exact second I knew I would not be leaving without her. Sure enough she came home with us that night, was bestowed the name 'Macy,' and proceeded to steal my heart.
Macy: 6 weeks old
We stumbled through the puppy years together one chewed shoe and false alarm vet visit at a time. One time Macy chewed the leather shoelace off my Sperry shoes (unbeknownst to me), and when it came out the other end it looked exactly like a worm. With panic and fear we took the stool sample and Macy to the nearest vet only to have the tech tell us through laughter that it was a shoelace. It was too funny to even be embarrassing. I was an alarmist pet parent, and if you're wondering, nothing has changed. 10 years later I'm still worrying about her every move.
I felt completely out of my element during her first year of puppyhood. I didn't know if I would be cut out to be a dog mom. I felt inadequate in every way, navigating full time college, a part time job, and of course, my slowly failing health. See, back then I didn't know what was ahead of me. All I knew was that my stomach was rebelling against me, my fatigue made me miss classes, and my desperation to hide it from the people around me felt isolating. But no matter how much I tried to hide my pain to the outside world, Macy always knew. She would nuzzle her tiny warm body on my chest and let me know that it would be OK. In those quiet lonely moments I had her companionship, and suddenly I felt so much less alone.
I felt completely out of my element during her first year of puppyhood. I didn't know if I would be cut out to be a dog mom. I felt inadequate in every way, navigating full time college, a part time job, and of course, my slowly failing health. See, back then I didn't know what was ahead of me. All I knew was that my stomach was rebelling against me, my fatigue made me miss classes, and my desperation to hide it from the people around me felt isolating. But no matter how much I tried to hide my pain to the outside world, Macy always knew. She would nuzzle her tiny warm body on my chest and let me know that it would be OK. In those quiet lonely moments I had her companionship, and suddenly I felt so much less alone.
Two days in college when I couldn't get out of bed. She was always there.
As the years passed her steadfast loyalty was with me through every single life change. I moved quite a few times throughout college, and with each new apartment she instantly made it feel like home. My senior year was my hardest year. I was on my 4th year of college, and my 3rd year of searching for answers to my ailing health. My symptoms were becoming so unmanageable that almost nightly I would call my mom at 2am sobbing on my bathroom floor. My world was crumbling around me, and no one could tell me why. I felt hopeless and I felt terrified. Graduation day came, and it should have been the happiest day of my life. However I almost missed it due to extreme air hunger, fatigue, and other baffling symptoms. You have to understand that as a former healthy person with NO diagnosis and NO doctor explanations it was all foreign to me. All these absurd symptoms like air hunger didn't yet have a name. I just felt like I couldn't get air, like I couldn't breathe properly, and I was gasping for oxygen. Utter terror. Petting Macy was my form of therapy. It was a way to quiet my anxiety, and feel a semblance of peace. If you have ever known the love of a dog, you will understand. Their love is so pure. It's so selfless, so giving, and it physically gave life back into my dwindling body. Looking back now I know without a shadow of a doubt that I could not have made it through college without Macy. She was my lifeblood, and my source of strength. In my darkest moments, she was there. On my most isolated days, she shared the quietness and gave me peace.
After I graduated college, I made the decision to continue my education and make the move across the country to Los Angeles. I had to leave Macy behind, and honestly, that was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Walking away from her furry face that day is forever burned into my memory. My heart shattered, and for the first time I was truly alone. During this semester of school my health deteriorated quickly. Much more quickly than it ever had before. I was frantically seeing top doctors at world renowned clinics like the House Ear Institute, and seeing top Neurologists and Cardiologists all across Los Angeles. My weight plummeted to 89 pounds, I was deeply exhausted, and I was a shell of myself. During Thanksgiving my mom, grandmother and cousin surprised me by showing up for the holiday (my dad was already with me), and they brought Macy! Instantly my soul became filled with immeasurable joy. I knew how much I needed her, and during that time in my life I was especially struggling without her comfort by my side. After the holiday I had to move my life back to Kentucky, because my health just got that bad. I switched to online education, packed my bags, and my full time job became traveling to Doctors & having endless tests ran. Through this all, Macy was by my side.
After I graduated college, I made the decision to continue my education and make the move across the country to Los Angeles. I had to leave Macy behind, and honestly, that was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Walking away from her furry face that day is forever burned into my memory. My heart shattered, and for the first time I was truly alone. During this semester of school my health deteriorated quickly. Much more quickly than it ever had before. I was frantically seeing top doctors at world renowned clinics like the House Ear Institute, and seeing top Neurologists and Cardiologists all across Los Angeles. My weight plummeted to 89 pounds, I was deeply exhausted, and I was a shell of myself. During Thanksgiving my mom, grandmother and cousin surprised me by showing up for the holiday (my dad was already with me), and they brought Macy! Instantly my soul became filled with immeasurable joy. I knew how much I needed her, and during that time in my life I was especially struggling without her comfort by my side. After the holiday I had to move my life back to Kentucky, because my health just got that bad. I switched to online education, packed my bags, and my full time job became traveling to Doctors & having endless tests ran. Through this all, Macy was by my side.
Left: My mom had this painting made of Macy when I moved to California without her. Right: When she came to visit for Thanksgiving
Macy was with me when I got diagnosed, she was with me when I moved home and became bed bound, and she's been with me during every peak & valley since. You see, that life altering moment when I met eyes with her in 2007 I had no idea how much I would need her. I had no idea then the hardships life would throw at me, and the source of strength she would become. I believe that she is a little guardian angel God brought into my life at the exact right time. I know it might sound dramatic to say, but she saved my life. This disease has thrown me into the pits of depression; into times when I had no will to live. But Macy's silent love, her snuggles, her cold nose on my cheek and her deep brown eyes kept me going. She put a piece of joy into my life when I felt like the world was black. And that is something which I am eternally grateful for.
Left: The best snuggler. Right: Guarding my I.V
Macy is half of my whole heart. And as I celebrate her 10th birthday today, I am overcome with gratefulness. I thank God each day that He put this ball of fur into my life. As I reflect over the memories and life changes we've been through over the last decade (wowza), I'm reminded that any moment can be another "life changing" moment. I don't even want to imagine my life had I not made that trip to "look" at some puppies. Because that day altered my life in the best way possible. On that day in September 2007 I no longer had to go through life alone and afraid. I gained a partner in crime and a best friend who would protect me, guide me, and love me unconditionally.
Happy 10th Birthday to my little dumpling. I love you more than words can express.
Happy 10th Birthday to my little dumpling. I love you more than words can express.
xoxo,
Christina
Christina
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