Fear. What if you couldn't feel it? I wonder if that would make like easier or just make you do things without thinking, thus creating many dangerous mistakes.
For the longest time we decided I would not begin any treatment until I could get my weight, appetite & stomach under control with detoxing and high calorie meals. However as time went on it became very clear & obvious that something had to give. I was getting worse in many ways & that just couldn't go on. So we decided once & for all to start my treatment for Bartonella. Next week to be exact.
I've been looking for one good experience of Bartonella treatment but I have yet to find one. I think it's only making me more terrified to hear the horror stories. Some of these co-infections can actually be worse to treat. Worse herxes, worse everything. But I can't keep suffering, that is not an option. So I need to push my fear aside & just go in to it knowing it won't be easy but it will be worth it.
I'm not quite sure what to expect. A lot of Bartonella is centered in the brain & GI tract (my two biggest issues). So I wonder if those will just flare, or if other new things will pop up. Most Bart patients have scary symptoms of forgetting where they are, getting lost, depression, severe mood swings. It sounds like no big deal, but I've experienced extreme confusion and it's very scary. I've woke up and jumped in fear because I didn't recognize my mom, I didn't know where i was, & couldn't recognize my dog. It look a long 10 seconds or so before I came to. I was terrified. So, with treating such a neurological issue I don't know what to expect.
I keep reminding myself of the pain I endure daily just to live WITH the Bartonella. Every day I let it live happily inside of me is another day I am suffering for no reason. I've felt exceptionally terrible lately with stomach problems, nausea & overall fatigue so I am ready to get this over with! I know God had to push me into this corner or I may have put it off longer & longer. His reasoning for forcing this on me now despite my hesitation is 100% his plan. I know it.. And I know he will make sure I am alright, and I won't get more than I can handle.
Over the next few weeks I will be updating frequently. I'll talk more about how I'll approach treatment in the next post (it's kind of long). I will also update during treatment as much as possible. I want an honest blog so anyone reading or following along will know what to expect. No holding back!
Xoxo,
Christina
For the longest time we decided I would not begin any treatment until I could get my weight, appetite & stomach under control with detoxing and high calorie meals. However as time went on it became very clear & obvious that something had to give. I was getting worse in many ways & that just couldn't go on. So we decided once & for all to start my treatment for Bartonella. Next week to be exact.
I've been looking for one good experience of Bartonella treatment but I have yet to find one. I think it's only making me more terrified to hear the horror stories. Some of these co-infections can actually be worse to treat. Worse herxes, worse everything. But I can't keep suffering, that is not an option. So I need to push my fear aside & just go in to it knowing it won't be easy but it will be worth it.
I'm not quite sure what to expect. A lot of Bartonella is centered in the brain & GI tract (my two biggest issues). So I wonder if those will just flare, or if other new things will pop up. Most Bart patients have scary symptoms of forgetting where they are, getting lost, depression, severe mood swings. It sounds like no big deal, but I've experienced extreme confusion and it's very scary. I've woke up and jumped in fear because I didn't recognize my mom, I didn't know where i was, & couldn't recognize my dog. It look a long 10 seconds or so before I came to. I was terrified. So, with treating such a neurological issue I don't know what to expect.
I keep reminding myself of the pain I endure daily just to live WITH the Bartonella. Every day I let it live happily inside of me is another day I am suffering for no reason. I've felt exceptionally terrible lately with stomach problems, nausea & overall fatigue so I am ready to get this over with! I know God had to push me into this corner or I may have put it off longer & longer. His reasoning for forcing this on me now despite my hesitation is 100% his plan. I know it.. And I know he will make sure I am alright, and I won't get more than I can handle.
Over the next few weeks I will be updating frequently. I'll talk more about how I'll approach treatment in the next post (it's kind of long). I will also update during treatment as much as possible. I want an honest blog so anyone reading or following along will know what to expect. No holding back!
Xoxo,
Christina
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