At this point I'm so tired of feeling nauseous I think I'm over the idea of having children. Just the thought of ever dealing with morning sickness or purposely putting myself in a situation of prolonged nausea sounds ridiculous. I'll live quite happily with my dog with whom I'm already much too obsessed with.
Otherwise I get these wonderful headaches that feel like hammers to my head, umm my stomach is in knots that feel really soothing, and my sarcasm is on 10 out of 10 today.
But on a serious note, as much as I'm not sleeping lately or feeling terrible it's still another day I can check mark off my calendar. So that part is pretty great. Every time I get to throw a finished bottle away I get extremely excited.
I'm not the most fun person to have a conversation with lately especially via text because I forget I'm even talking to someone until they text back something along the lines of "hello?" and then I realize I bailed on the topic like 30 minutes ago. So that's how my mind is working as of late. Its almost easier to not attempt an in depth convo so instead I've spent time reading. Mostly comedy because its easy to read, and takes my mind off current crazy of life. Mindy Kaling's book "Why is everyone hanging out without me?" is probably one of the funniest books I've read since Chelsea Handler's. Just really ridiculous stories that you can weirdly relate to. Highly recommend it for a laugh.
So overall I would say its always a level 5 of blah, sometimes goes to a level 8 or 9, but I'm trucking along. God is good, with me every step of the way.
So one thing I've noticed is that as treatment goes along, different parts of my body flare up. This time I had a period where I was suppppper exhausted. It felt like no amount of sleep is enough. Kind of like I got ran over by a semi... My eyelids were 100lbs, and all I wanted to do is sleep, nap, relax but even then I felt tired.
Headaches & lots of neurological stuff. My visual sensitivity was bothered quite a bit, I felt motion sickness from even playing a game on my phone. Vivid dreams and just weird dizziness, all that good stuff.
It's not constantly terrible, but I'm really superstitious & don't want to ever say I feel "good" because then I think it will go polar opposite. Sooo for now I'll just leave it at this.. Periods of flares come & go. Lasting different amounts of time but not always constant.
Working on just staying positive & checking every last day off my calendar. These posts have been more negative/less upbeat, but I want to be really honest every step of the way. I don't want this to seem like I'm complaining, because I'm thankful I'm a day closer to recovery. But I said when I began this blog that I would be 100% honest with everything I feel. Right now it's not much good to feel so I'm sharing that as well. Times will change though & soon my overly joyful posts will take over!